He Says. She Says
A Man's dictionary of terms for Women
This is the word women use at the end of any argument when they
feel they are right
but can't stand to hear you argue any longer.
It means that you should shut up.
(NEVER use "fine" to describe how she looks. This will cause you
to have one of those arguments.)
2. "Five minutes"
This is half an hour.
It is equivalent to the five minutes that your football game is
going to last before you take out the trash,
so women feel that it's an even trade.
"Nothing" means something and you should be on your toes.
"Nothing" is usually used to describe the feeling a woman has of
wanting to turn you
inside out, upside down, and backwards.
"Nothing" usually signifies an argument that will last "Five Minutes"
and end with the word "Fine."
4. "Go Ahead" (with raised eyebrows)
This is NOT permission; it's a dare! If you mistake it for permission,
the result will be the woman will get upset over "Nothing" and you'll
have a "five-minute" discussion that will end with the word "Fine."
5. "Go Ahead" (normal eyebrows)
This is NOT permission, either. It means "I give up" or "do what
you want because I don't care."
You will get a raised eyebrow "Go Ahead" in just a few minutes,
followed by "Nothing" and "Fine"
and she will talk to you in about "Five Minutes" when she cools
6. "Loud Sigh"
This is not actually a word, but is still often a verbal statement.
Very frequently misunderstood by men.
A "Loud Sigh" means she thinks you are a complete idiot and wonders
why she is wasting her time
standing here and arguing with you over "Nothing!."
7. "Soft Sigh"
Again, not a word, but a verbal statement. "Soft Sighs" are one
of the few things that some men actually understand. It means she
is momentarily content.
Your best bet is to not move or breathe in the hope that the moment
will last a bit longer.
This word, followed by any statement is trouble. Example; "Oh, let
me get that".
Or, "Oh, I talked to him about what you were doing last night."
If she says "Oh" before a statement, run, do not walk, to the nearest
She will tell you that she is "Fine" when she is done tossing your
clothes out the window,
but do not expect her to talk to you for at least two days.
("Oh" as the lead to a sentence usually signifies that you are
caught in a lie.
Do not try to lie more to get out of it, or you will get a raised
eyebrow. "Go ahead,"
sometimes followed by acts so unspeakable that I can't bring myself
to write about them.
9. "That's Okay"
This is one of the most dangerous statements that a woman can say
to a man.
"That's Okay" means that she wants to think long and hard before
deciding what the penalty will be
for whatever you have done.
"That's Okay" is often used with the word "Fine" and in conjunction
with a raised eyebrow "Go Ahead."
Once she has had time to plan it out, you are in for some mighty
10. "Please Do"
This is not a statement, it is an offer.
The woman is giving you the chance to come up with an excuse for
what you have done.
In other words, a chance to get yourself into even more trouble.
If you handle this correctly, you shouldn't get a "That's Okay."
The woman is thanking you. Don't faint and don't look for hidden
meaning. Just say "you're welcome."
12. "Thanks A Lot"
"Thanks A Lot" is dramatically different from "Thanks."
A woman will say "Thanks A Lot" when she is really ticked off at
It is usually followed by the "Loud Sigh." This signifies that
you have hurt her in some callous way.
Be careful not to ask what is wrong after the "Loud Sigh," as she
will only tell you "Nothing."